The First Ride out of The Italian Job

     It was a cold and frosty morning…….. Sounds like a Christmas story ………Rewind….. Meeting was at the Little Chef and it was a big cold, Thought Big Tone has started smoking again but turned out just to be his breath, The groups second meeting – unfortunately several members were absent.

Stocky has broken his hand Playing Rugby…. Well so he says we think it was dusting his lounge in his suede suit and carpet slippers, daft pillock………. Still 5 weeks off work, sitting round he is either gonna look like Jabba the Hut or Johnny Bravo, time will tell.

Yorkie was set to have a session at Cadwell, couple of weeks ago, but they called it off as one of the Marshalls had broken a finger nail and couldn’t wave the flag properly. So he was sorting the Gixxer ready for Snetterton, let’s hope you don’t throw it down the road or the C90 cub beacons for the Tour.

    A quick look around meet and greet, Mike who has been christened The Red Baron for the garish burgundy RT he rides has had some decals done for the bike, they look great not so sure about the 40 Calibre machine guns mounted on the fairing thou, I may well change you Tour name to Mine Fuhrer

    Then we met Little Chris Swift on the Big TL1000 Thumper, Mike thought he was being attacked by a Lancaster once we had dragged him out from under his Red Stukker and calmed him down Chris introduced himself to the group, very unassuming guy with Bloody cold hands but a Handshake like a Volkswagen Robot death grip.

    Anyway once we had all arrived and about to leave, SHAG bowls at the last knockings with the Repsol look alike Fridge freezer in Danny pedrosa colours more like Danny Devito Hahahaha. He is a big 8 foot leather clad Fin similar to Dolf Lungren, but where did you buy that American Fridge freezer. The Pan looks great honest

   So off we go leaving Bedfordshire behind and up to our first scheduled stop at The Navigation Pub, for a very welcomed, Mug of Coffee and a chat about the roads we had just circumnavigated down dale up hill and all that…………Oh Yes and my first I.O.U. Mike is the first of the Sticky Bun brigade…. Nudge nudge wink wink know what I mean………The Tour Policy is any excess speed in Posted limits or White lines in total error of course god Forbid, results in a sticky bun….. Now you know why I have such a full figure I have eyes in the back of my head.

    Poor old Vince aka Mouse Hunt and his little legs he used half a gallon of juice trying to park in the car park, slight slope and short legs don’t mix very well makes for an expensive day if you are not careful - more of that later

     Having refreshed somewhat, and due to the cold weather the Queue for the gents was like something from a 1950 prom night all the feet stamping “blood Hurry up” and all you can hear from the Loo was Arggghhhhhhhh.

     Off towards our destination of the Derbyshire dales, the roads are superb but the local authority obviously knew we were coming and the way we ride, decided to put a blanket 50mph in Derbyshire, how very considerate L, but we soldiered on to Bakewell where we stopped for Gas as the bikes had by now done 115 miles.

    The sports bikes had faired very well, getting good mileage Even Chris aka Thumper has gas left in the tank even thought the cost of running the Lancaster is equal to the national debt. Having refueled our trusted steeds we made for our lunch destination,

  The Garmin pointed the way and off we went, into Bakewell and out the other side, at this point the Sat –Nav showed a direction up an incline, ahead of us but slightly blind as it disappeared up to our right. Remember I said the Derbyshire County Council were trying to scupper our day. Well I reckon, they knew my route as they purposely put bollards up and No vehicle traffic signs at the top of the incline…… This must have been done whilst we were in the fuel station as it was all still fresh. How inconsiderate was that!

   Well you’ll never guess what happen next………………………………..No well gather round and put another log on the fire…. I think in an effort to throw the Derbyshire County Council off the scent Big Tone aka – Turbo Boost / jet Turbine / Power Commander only went and threw his Blackbird down the road – Good try Tone but I think they knew it was coming, for those who Don’t know Tone he is a 15 foot giant, ex weight lifter and Mr. Stevenage and good all round egg, salt of the earth. So you have No excuse Tony of getting your foot caught I reckon you fell asleep….. I’m right aren’t I, you nodded off. (Tone has previous another story) Anyway all hands to the pump… The Bird was righted and Big Tone’s pride disappeared off down the road like a yelping dog.

     So we head off with the Garmin now going into Panic mode, not really knowing where it was going, trying to do 1001 things at once, eventually I turned it off. Having now arriving in the beautiful Derbyshire village of Beetly for a lunch, thought it couldn’t get any worse for the Big Fella.

     Sorry Tone but I am crying as I am writing this, before going in the pub Big Tone opens his top box to store his helmet and gloves only to find the tyre weld cylinder has decided to self implode, now again I reckon this is a new nifty gadget like an air bag but a foam bag certainly save all his items in his top box.  Do you know what the penny has just dropped after we left the accident site, I thought I could see Snow and yes it seemed to be following us, Tone this must have been you laying a bread trail for the County council members or a trap.

      To top it all the Pub which was lovely……was so so so and I mean so expensive most of the clientele you guessed it were Derbyshire County Councilors…… Poor Tone ham egg and chips and a drink £20, still it was all organic …… Doing your bit for the world.
     

Then the journey back mostly UN eventful, but a great day I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did. I look forward to the next installment of The Italian Job

GT & Robbo

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2nd Italian Rideout - Ross-on-Wye

Well, It falls to me to give an update on the pre tour sessions and where we Stand in preparation for the up and coming Italian Tour in May 2009.

Big Tone – He decided that discretion was the better part of Valour and decided to jump ship off his trusted, little “Pop” “Pop” as he calls it. His CBR600, this was due to a car driver in London wishing to swap paint.

Shagg – Whilst out on a jolly a nice white van man reversed into this repsol look alike Pan and carried out a hatched job on it! Subsequently writing it off.
Hum…… Shagg was later seen paying him, the up shot is he has had to order a new Bike for the Tour…. Oh Dear !

Dave – During a race session at Snetterton, Dave blew the sump plug out of the Gixxer and found other problems with the gearbox and so it lays in bits…… Teach you to run the red line Mr Watret J

Stockie – He broke his finger nail playing rugby and laddered his stockings and then the back wheel fell off his bike, Stockie for Christ sake never walk under a ladder or break a mirror L

Vinnie -  Had to work on over night with his mates in a Grave yard – don’t ask but I am sure he will fill you in, in due course. Any excuse not to be Tail End Charlie
 

So the remainder, Mags / Bill / Mick / Darren / Chris, met as scheduled at the Little Chef in marston. Where I received a rather nice surprised, bit like a teacher receiving an apple from his pupils, I received a iced Chelsea Bun from Mick for a previous mister-meaner- Naughty train driver! Jon in the meantime we met in Milton Keynes due to a road closure.

Off we tootled having fuelled up winding our way through Bedfordshire / Buckinghamshire / Oxfordshire / Worcestershire / Gloucestershire / Herefordshire. And OH dear several things happen before we got to our lunch stop on the River Wye !

Mags bless him had the previous night consumed some light ale in a rather large quantity, and felt a bit worse for wear, so his riding normally faultless was like a pair of fish net stocking, Holes everywhere, Firstly mike told him about buying a bun for his mister meaner and so Mags in his words of course said what you did this………………… only uncle Dave saw it……. One Bun please Mr Thatcher J

Oh and he only went and did it again as he thought mike didn’t see it and ….. Yes you guessed it He got clocked again L another Bun Mr Thatcher J

We left the second fuel stop, and I have to say Little Jonnie Pickering excelled during the day with his riding, travelling through the lanes making it all look very easy. The Red baron was also picking up pace although he would have you believe otherwise. Mags was still suffering from a Woolley head and new tyres, Darren was also eager to make ground within the pack, & Chris was hot on histail.

As we get within 10 minutes of Lunch Poor old Mike see’s the pearly gates fast approaching round a left hand bend, the bottom puckers up and mike lets several go almost filling his new black jeans with horrible brown smelly stuff. NOW mike that must be another bun……. sorry but if it was that bad, could I have a vanilla slice next please J . I bet you went home had a curry a few beers and headache tablets and early night J tell me I am wrong ?

Lunch and Mags is trying to argue his corner TUT TUT TUT mags. Mike decides to have a little dig at Group Und Feurher Robinson……the Red Barons Group captain……I am sure I will be getting a couple of big cakes on Tour Mike as I will be not only watching you but videoing you to show to the rest of our squadron, ha ha ha.

After a brilliant lunch by the River Wye, we were off again starting on some small and I mean very small roads several of the tour members had to breath in to avoid being wedged between the hedges. Only joking Mags J….. I know you have to run around in the shower to get wet.

Having arrived at the fuel stop it transpires that T.E.C. Iceman aka Big Bad Bill ha seen a mister- meaner committed by Dynamo & Thumper the two newest members to The Italian Bomber command, apparently and this is an uncorroborated account the two wing men were seen to Buzz other members of the squadron, neither unfortunately completed a loop de loop. So again boys I am thinking Swiss roll and Chocolate Éclair but I am always up it you wish it to go to the Kangaroo court, but sentencing would be greater if found guilty.

    Having left the fuel station, the team began to pick up pace ……WOOOSSSHHHHHHHHHHH ! ! the team were on a mission, Jonnie Pickering was acting as my wing man for most of the Tight and twisties and subsequently has gained his squadron leader badge, well done Jon, you will now be know as “Spitfire”  shortly followed by Dynamo, trying to lock onto Jon’s vapour trail.
 

Guys Thanks for a great rideout                                                                    

Group Und Furher (GUF) for short J

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